In my planet, carelessness has, both constantly and gently, done away with entertainment, whether it be due to lack of maintenance, production, or importation.  Leadership has once again taken up the old past time of making pieces of the island.  Just like the Gray Cat:  change everything so everything stays the same.

Here, I offer all of you, an anonymous analysis which was sent to me.

It’s about the new political-administrative divisions.

The City of Havana will now just be called Havana, just like it has always been called.  It is speculated that there will be municipalities within Havana that will be joined with others.  I suppose that el Cerro will join with Vedado, so that no one will continue saying that el Cerro holds the key* because the key is, and always has been, in the Plaza of the Revolution, and you can’t even mess around with that.  San Miguel will join Cotorro, which in sum is the same crap- it looks like the countryside and it’s a mission to get there.  La Lisa will join Marianao, since they live the same social fiasco throughout some of their neighborhoods and in the end no one knows where it starts and where it ends.  It’s probable, though, that they will remove La Tropical and Buena Vista and relocate it to the municipality of PlayaCentral Havana and Old Havana will intertwine because both are similarly falling apart- the threat of collapse makes them sister cities.  Also, Regla will join Guanabacoa, because both are where you go to engage in acts of witchcraft.

The new province of Mayabeque will consist of all the current municipalities of Northern Santa Cruz, Jaruco, Madruga, San Nicolas, Nueva Paz, Batabano, Guines, Southern Melena, Quivican, and Bejucal.  The new capital will be San Jose de las Lajas, ignoring the fact that the largest town is Guines.  Those from San Jose have presented their candidacy for the spot while those from Guines have not even finished building three parks and 7 banks, along with their signs of “We are Happy Here” which they display in order to promote the urban tourism of the area.

Artemisa, the new province, will embrace the territories of San Antonio de los Banos, Mariel, Caimito, Bauta, Guanajay, Alquizar, Quivican, along with the municipalities of Pinar del Rio- Candelaria, San Cristobal, and Bahia Honda.  The inhabitants of these places will no longer be able to be referred to as “Pinar natives”, which is a title that carries much social prestige.  Artemisa will be their new capital, even though it’s falling apart, at least they still have the Martyr Museum of Artemisa and the ruins of the Angerona coffee plantation- sites that no one remembers, but that are still there.

Food is already guaranteed with these new divisions.  Mainly because now people will take 5 years longer to find the location of the corresponding Oficoda — the central rationing office.  This will drastically minimize the number of claims.  Besides, school maps will need to be substituted with new maps purchased from Venezuela (the former RDA no longer sells maps) and if you are mistaken and forget to draw the border between Artemisa and Pinar del Rio you will still pass Geography class because it will also take 5 years to get used to these changes.  But be sure that the proliferation of rented machines, which once enriched a privileged class, will be eliminated.  Now, they will have to waste much more gas and will not be able to charge for a ride to Bahia Honda as if they were going to Pinar del Rio, because it’s clear now:  It’s no longer Pinar del Rio!

Is everything clear?

Translator’s Note:  “The Cerro Holds the Key” (El Cerro Tiene la Llave) is a popular phrase which refers to that neighborhood’s location- an aqueduct brought water through this area.  The phrase has also been popularized throughout Cuban music, starting with Arsenio Rodriguez and his song which has that same name.

Translated by Raul G.

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